Feeling

Just trying to understand myself, my place, who I am.  You know, the reg.

Does anyone really know themselves that well?  Is it worth fretting over?

I've been feeling a lot of raw emotion lately.  Generally good, I think, full of love, feeling joie-de-vivre as it were.  Still, I'd say the spikes to the negative are, if fewer, still stronger.  Why is that?  How does this work?  Who am I....

Just got home from a lengthy 1am bike ride.  Hmm.

I feel that finding rhythm and connecting with others is what I would consider my greatest weakness.  At least, right now.  Why?  No se.  I just feel so disconnected lately.  Plugged out.  Empty, often.  

There are bright spots.  That one 'Fest' a few weeks ago.  Mindblowing and amazingly positive.  The first night a and I sat out and drank wine until the wee hours - intense is the only word for it.   Frisbee.  The Wodehouse.  

?????????????

Who am I, what am I doing, and where the fuck am I going?  

I feel a period of hermitness coming on.  It's desirable in some ways..... but it feels so dangerous in others.  I'm afraid I would become something and lose connection.  There's this song (Waifs), it worries me to like the first lyrics so much, what with what follows immediately thereafter... and how it sometimes feels right.

I've decided no one's knowing
anything about where I'm going