Feeling

Just trying to understand myself, my place, who I am.  You know, the reg.

Does anyone really know themselves that well?  Is it worth fretting over?

I've been feeling a lot of raw emotion lately.  Generally good, I think, full of love, feeling joie-de-vivre as it were.  Still, I'd say the spikes to the negative are, if fewer, still stronger.  Why is that?  How does this work?  Who am I....

Just got home from a lengthy 1am bike ride.  Hmm.

I feel that finding rhythm and connecting with others is what I would consider my greatest weakness.  At least, right now.  Why?  No se.  I just feel so disconnected lately.  Plugged out.  Empty, often.  

There are bright spots.  That one 'Fest' a few weeks ago.  Mindblowing and amazingly positive.  The first night a and I sat out and drank wine until the wee hours - intense is the only word for it.   Frisbee.  The Wodehouse.  

?????????????

Who am I, what am I doing, and where the fuck am I going?  

I feel a period of hermitness coming on.  It's desirable in some ways..... but it feels so dangerous in others.  I'm afraid I would become something and lose connection.  There's this song (Waifs), it worries me to like the first lyrics so much, what with what follows immediately thereafter... and how it sometimes feels right.

I've decided no one's knowing
anything about where I'm going

She bought a foreclosed home and gave it back.

Quote

Quote- his face got so red that, what with the white collar and the fact that the wind had turned his nose blue, he looked more like a french flag than anything else.

From - The Inimitable Jeeves, PG Wodehouse.  Awesome.

Free Market Utopia

There is no active research or support for any of this, other than what's in my head today and needs to come out.  Hopefully soon I'll springboard off of these thoughts for a more indepth post.

1. What is the rationale for the free market?  It should provide the most efficient allocation of scarce resources.  To parse that a little:  

• SHOULD - really?  why?  how?  
  
• PROVIDE - through what process?
  
• EFFICIENT ALLOCATION - what is efficient?  does everyone benefit?
  
• SCARCE - is this a rhetorical descriptor/does it mean all resources are (ultimately) scarce?
• RESOURCES - does it work for all resources?
  

2. What are the theoretical underpinnings of the free market?  The economic argument is always made ceteris paribus - "all else held constant" - so what is not constant and what threatens the model?  IF the market truly "should provide the most efficient allocation of scarce resources," what are the shortfalls that it faces in the real world?  These are probably cases for outside intervention, ie the government.  

3. The point, as it relates to utopia, is that everyone has a utopia.  (Is a utopia definitionally a fantasy?  Or would I do better to write "utopian fantasy")  There are many ways in which the theoretical free market does not fit reality.  One example that comes to mind are monopolies, which distort the market.  In any case, to ignore these and claim ad nauseum, without critical reflection, that we should "let the market work" or that government is "just in the way of the market" - is blissfully ignorant at best, maybe willfully myopic, and self-servingly blase at worst.

4. On the point of government.... I've tried more than once to create my own model for understanding the world.  Part of my current framework has the individual or group in a 3-dimensional context of the Social, Political, and Economic.  Through recent discussions and learnings, I've come to better understand the relationship among these three - to understand things in this way is effective, I think, but more usefully perhaps can be taken as a prescription as well.  There needs to be a balance among these three for a society to function smoothly.  One example - the rise of Naziism was at least partly due to the fact that the economy was in shambles and the political sphere was very weak.  The social became very strong, too strong, and eventually overshadowed the others....

Got to run.  More later

Speaking of feminist underground railroads...

...A and I have this plan where if McCain wins, I will help her run a feminist underground railroad out of her apartment.  You know - contraception, emergency contraception, maybe some informational brochures and sex ed.

Actually, there already is a feminist underground railroad:

New York City is one of the few places women can go for late-term abortions.  Reasons for needing a late-term abortion range from lack of money or relationship issues to being unaware of the pregnancy or even, simply, deciding what to do.  Regardless of the need:

“I had to tell myself, ‘Every abortion is the choice of the woman having the abortion. This is about somebody else’s body. It’s not President Bush’s body, but it’s not mine, either,’ ” she says. “Being pro-choice is a morality that takes you morally out of the picture.” (article)

In NYC, there is a group called the Haven Coalition that provides free homestays to women who have to come to the city for an abortion.  It brings together two very different groups:

Most Haven hosts are white, Jewish, well schooled, and political. Some are empty-nesters with beds to spare and memories of the sixties and seventies women’s movement; many are young idealists with matchbox apartments and roommates who don’t mind an extra body crashing in the living room. 

Meanwhile, most of the women helped by Haven are black and Latina, with GEDs or less, low literacy skills, and not much civic moxie.

The article really is a nice read.  It is personal but not sappy, and political without being overbearing or preachy.  And very, very real - as if to highlight that this is real life and not a movie, at the point in the story when the main character - Adeena - "should" open up to her guardian angel host, and pour out her story, on the eve of her abortion, having just watched a movie about a young black woman who has an abortion - "she asks for lights out.  I set the alarm, fluff the quilt, and tuck her in."  

It leaves me feeling quiet, calm, and hopeful.

Read this. Now.

It's an article about drugs.  Made me cry.

Too many coincidences

They began last night, these coincidences of topic.  (Update: having written this post, I realize they didn't begin last night by any stretch but the quote at the end of post just got me thinking.  This post could be much longer)

Stopped at a's house to help move a couch (which actually was mostly taken care of by the three-armed duo before my arrival!), and the conversation turned to indignant annoyance/outrage at Beyonce - her new song, If I Were a Boy.  We watched the video, aka watched part of it and got too annoyed and bored to finish it.  So, we looked up the lyrics.  I was hopeful that it was satire, in some way, but you know what, it wasn't.  Or, if it was, it was too good for us.  Just too sharp, that Beyonce.  Maybe.  

Maybe not.  

So, after some basic research into Febreeze, (A's new couch kinda ....has a scent, shall we say) we continued our journey of fake homo -

I Kissed a Girl, is a song re-done by Kate Perry.  We weren't sure how to take it.  Thought about it.  Decided we didn't like it.  Did some more research (ahem, yes back to the wikipedia).  Uh, kissing girls to get attention including from your boyfriend...... is undeniably and outrageously fucking stupid.

So.  What else?  

Oh shit.  Local random college newspaper ran an article today that almost made me shit and puke at the same time.  It's about hetero-flexibility.

This trendy word describes straight women who make out with each other to entice men but don’t consider themselves lesbians or bisexual.

Um.  Fuck off.

On the bright side, this gem from Britain.  MI-5 is actively recruiting gays.  In fact (and this is not in the linked article, but I read this earlier just can't find the article) - it seems you have to be out to get in, for fear that you would be vulnerable to blackmail otherwise.  (A sort of beautiful perversion of Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell)

Finally, have been reading Jocks 2, and will end with this quote, which really struck me:

His parents suggested a therapist.  Ryan countered that he would go on one condition:  They go first.  Surprisingly, they agreed.  After one visit his parents told Ryan they realized he was normal; they, however, would continue to see the doctor to work through their own issues.  Over time they came to accept their son.  One of his proudest moments came when they helped him move in with his boyfriend.  These days, his mother cheers him on at meets wearing Ryan's sponsors' logos - including Outboard.

Back to the echo chamber. .

You know, whatever to the whatever that some people persist in smearing Obama by spouting that he is secretly a Muslim, trained to overthrow the government, etc.  There will always be crazy people.  

But isn't it just fucking LOW, and DESPERATE, that this has become an actual, utilized line of attack for more "legitimate" conservative outlets?  And so funny how it is done:

1. Tool Andy "Never-Saw-A-Lawsuit-I-Didn't-Like" Martin, an "independent and contrarian columnist," claims that Obama is a closet Muslim.  (Martin filed so many frivolous lawsuits that he has been barred by multiple state and federal courts from filing further suits without preliminary approval)

2. The "story" is picked up by FreeRepublic.com, a pretty insular and rather extreme right-wing site.  Quote: "Andy Martin, will publish a column and hold simultaneous news conferences ... to disclose he believes Barack Obama is a political fraud who "lied to the American people." [emphasis added]    Seriously?  Seriously???  "To disclose he believes" - and people take this seriously??

3. As explained by Salon's Glenn Greenwald, Martin then appeared on FoxNews:

Over the weekend, Sean Hannity hosted a show on Fox News entitled Obama & Friends: The History of Radicalism. The star of Hannity’s smear fest was none other than Andy Martin, who was featured as an honored, credible

 investigator and source to expose “the real Barack Obama.” There wasn’t a hostile or adversarial word uttered by Hannity about or towards Martin. To the contrary, Martin’s claims were the basis for many of the Fox News show’s allegations against Obama.

4. And now Martin's claims can stand as a legitimate source in Hannity's own expose on Obama and his "History of Radicalism":

Et voila!  Just a few simple steps from kook to "Author & Journalist".  

Update: Martin's claims have surfaced in other places as well.  Love that echo chamber.

For another Matthew S

I can forgive but I will not forget

our world needs to recognize its common humanity

More YES

	Make your own at MoreCowbell.dj

a big h/t to AMY!

On favorite things for when the dog bites (aka losing teeth)

more animals

more animals

more animals

more animals

Yes!!!!!!

The debate left me feeling alternately meh and depressed.  After the gay marriage bit, I sort of mentally and emotionally checked out.

This, however, made me feel so positive:

h/t Jon Taplin

Like the coolest thing ever

http://graphs.gapminder.org/world/#$majorMode=chart$is;shi=t;ly=2003;lb=f;il=t;fs=11;al=30;stl=t;st=t;nsl=t;se=t$wst;tts=C$ts;sp=3.27225806451612;ti=2006$zpv;v=1$inc_x;mmid=XCOORDS;iid=phAwcNAVuyj1jiMAkmq1iMg;by=ind$inc_y;mmid=YCOORDS;iid=phAwcNAVuyj0TAlJeCEzcGQ;by=ind$inc_s;uniValue=8.21;iid=pyj6tScZqmEcGvVMuBRXqGQ;by=universal$inc_c;uniValue=255;gid=CATID0;by=grp$map_x;scale=log;dataMin=83;dataMax=45889$map_y;scale=lin;dataMin=0.842;dataMax=8.7$cd;bd=0$inds=

I like how it starts out with just sideways movement, and then the early 60s the pill is introduced and movement starts downwards.  Cool.