I've been very up and down in recent weeks (e.g. - eating my 6th fudge poptart of the day). Personal stuff, politics, economy, all these crazy things going on. Generally, I feel pretty up, any more, though there are definite down times. Today, is a down time. And, the first such time I've still felt like posting. Is that progress?
Today, I woke up at 1pm. No. Actually, I woke up at 6:30am, 7, 8, 8:30, 11, and finally 1pm. I missed the same two classes (7:45 and 9:30) last week as well. I also have a 1pm course tuesdays and thursdays, which I have made perhaps half the time. Now, as most people know my class attendance has never been my strongest suit. Don't worry - I'm dependable, just maybe not the most disciplined. Anyhow, whatever to past attendance issues, this is bad. Grad student, for ____'s sake.
As of 90 seconds ago, I'm having second thoughts about relating this up and down-ness and subsequent poor attendance to the personal stuff.
My outlook, involvement, interests, passions, etc, have changed quite a bit (I think) in the past several months. x^2 kind of like. Where before there was a general disquiet about my degree program, now there is outright disinterest and dismay. But with student debt being what it is, I don't have a choice at this point. I just don't. And so maybe my current depression could be better attributed to this growing dissonance - while the assumed relation to my own personal issues better understood as a cognitive cop-out to avoid recognizing what was, in retrospect (hindsight being 20 20), a poor decision on a degree program.
So, I guess the key question is, can this realization be translated into improved discipline when it comes to classes and classwork? I mean, for the lord's sake*, I'm a good student and I have one freaking semester left. I mean, I have 10 weeks left.
My advice to everyone (and my past and future selves):
* reference to my future cat. her name will be 'the lord'
Today, I woke up at 1pm. No. Actually, I woke up at 6:30am, 7, 8, 8:30, 11, and finally 1pm. I missed the same two classes (7:45 and 9:30) last week as well. I also have a 1pm course tuesdays and thursdays, which I have made perhaps half the time. Now, as most people know my class attendance has never been my strongest suit. Don't worry - I'm dependable, just maybe not the most disciplined. Anyhow, whatever to past attendance issues, this is bad. Grad student, for ____'s sake.
As of 90 seconds ago, I'm having second thoughts about relating this up and down-ness and subsequent poor attendance to the personal stuff.
My outlook, involvement, interests, passions, etc, have changed quite a bit (I think) in the past several months. x^2 kind of like. Where before there was a general disquiet about my degree program, now there is outright disinterest and dismay. But with student debt being what it is, I don't have a choice at this point. I just don't. And so maybe my current depression could be better attributed to this growing dissonance - while the assumed relation to my own personal issues better understood as a cognitive cop-out to avoid recognizing what was, in retrospect (hindsight being 20 20), a poor decision on a degree program.
So, I guess the key question is, can this realization be translated into improved discipline when it comes to classes and classwork? I mean, for the lord's sake*, I'm a good student and I have one freaking semester left. I mean, I have 10 weeks left.
My advice to everyone (and my past and future selves):
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
* reference to my future cat. her name will be 'the lord'
1 comment:
http://www.7is7.com/otto/countdown.html?year=2008&month=12&date=19&hrs=17&ts=12&min=0&sec=0&tz=local&lang=en&show=dhms&mode=t&cdir=down&bgcolor=%23CCFFFF&fgcolor=%23000000&title=Countdown%20To%20End%20of%20Semester
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